Estate Agent Scum   Leave a comment

prime real estate eastcott

All too often, Americans deliver “go fuck yourself” with an appalling lack of effort or style.  I’m learning from the natives of my adopted land, though.

An estate agent that promised we could secure a house we were very interested in simply by transferring the application fee to their accounts later dropped the following email into my box while I was online to the bank to do exactly that:

From: ♦♦♦♦ ♦♦♦♦♦♦ [♦♦♦♦.♦♦♦♦♦♦@f♦♦♦♦♦p♦♦♦♦♦♦y.co.uk]
Sent: 29 January 2014 18:46
To: ♦♦♦♦♦ ♦♦♦♦♦♦♦
Cc: ♦♦♦♦♦♦@♦♦♦♦♦.♦♦♦
Subject: Re: ♦♦ Western Street info

Hi ♦♦♦♦♦
I have just heard from the landlord that he has changed his mind and would now like to go ahead with somebody I showed the house to last week. They came back today with an improved offer.

The landlord has now decided to accept her offer as she is looking for a very long term let and can move in immediately.

I apologise if this caused you any inconvenience?

Of special note, the blatant effort to get me to impose a higher rent on myself (“improved offer” my dead granny’s taint).  Of course I declined and pointed out, hell yeah, it is a big inconvenience to which he immediately replied by sending a link to another smaller and grottier property he manages in a shittier part of town.

I bet the wife that he would write back in about a week saying the place was suddenly free to rent, again.  In the meantime we found our next home, then almost like clockwork this came today:

From: ♦♦♦♦ ♦♦♦♦♦♦ [♦♦♦♦.♦♦♦♦♦♦@f♦♦♦♦♦p♦♦♦♦♦♦y.co.uk]
Sent: 07 February 2014 14:38
To: ♦♦♦♦♦ ♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

Hi ♦♦♦♦♦
I trust you’re well.
Are you still looking for a property, as the tenant for ♦♦ Western Street has pulled out?

Which brings us to my going native “go fuck yourself” effort:

Hi, ♦♦♦♦,

Glad to hear you still think we would want to waste more of our time with you. You don’t usually find confidence like that in small businessmen…quite admirable.

Well, the ‘improved offer’ I would make if we were at all interested would involve the landlord painting his ass red and ‘presenting’ in the street like some sort of randy mandrill ahead of lowering the rent and fixing the bits we already mentioned (hole in roof of shed, plastic liner on the kitchen roof, abandoned furniture in the basement) before we would consider it again.

However, we found something nicer and larger for less money and more in the heart of Old Town instead of just Eastcott. Feel free to pass on our best wishes to your client.

The photo shows the neighbouring houses’ gardens with special attention on the deteriorating walk stuffed with old go-cart tires.  The red fence panel off that fence came down four weeks ago and covers the items the tenant of that house threw out of his basement in October (4½  months ago); these include some rugs, an Ikea end table (the particle board collapsed a few months back in the rain), a motorcycle helmet, some blankets and pillows, and, most laughably, a mop and bucket.  Our new neighbourhood is MUCH nicer.

Posted 2014/02/07 by Drunken Bunny in house

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