It is surprising to most foreigners (even the violent Americans) to see signs everywhere–but particularly on buses–pleading with the reader not to assault the employees. You might think this is an indication of an especially sick society with no self-control; conversely, you could think that the employees uniformly must be complete assholes. However, the populace isn’t as bad as the press might have you believe and, on the whole bus drivers seem to be courteous and professional (even affable) folks.
So, the plea to leave body and dignity intact must be caused by some very specific dickheads’ behaviour. Take, as an example, this drunken–and quite possibly drugged–twunt on Arriva:
If it were just his substance abuse and erratic driving, I would merely have considered the ride an adventure (my own besotted and quite psychedelic years as an Atlanta taxi driver in consideration…pot, kettle, etc.). But, this fat, steaming pile of shit was in a genuine rage from the moment I boarded till at least my exit a moment or two later.
So the “Please Don’t Assault Our Drivers” adverts Arriva mounts in their buses must be placed in his ride with a wry wink and nod. I’m sure no one back at the depot would care if a member of the public handed him a right kicking; likewise, there certainly couldn’t be a Mrs. Twunt at home that would care (or, if there were, would probably cheer the effort). The disadvantage to handing him his teeth is the impact it would have on the coffers of Greggs The Baker as he would be forced to step away from the pies for a couple of days–shops would close across the South East.
Note that I am not, in any way, promoting violence against this piece of congealed bile. Indeed, it is pleasure enough that he will die soon, alone in a takeaway strewn flat, with some device purchased off an Internet porn site firmly attached to his fetid genitals. But, keep taking public transport, folks! [Of special note, there are other buses passing through constantly…I arrived back in Oxford a couple minutes ahead of this bus, safely and with nerves intact; he must have taken similar attention with other riders along the way allowing us to overtake.]