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None of my nags died this year, and two finished:

Rare Bob was fifth, Seabass thirteenth.  Quel Esprit (my big hope for a nice celebratory bottle) pulled up at the 24th fence and Chicago Grey would have been dead last if he hadn’t pulled up at the final fence.  I should stick to Lotto, or scratch cards.

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The 66 bus had to wait for a road construction imposed lane narrowing to open and the Saffron Indian was directly in front of me…with this soon to fall sign hung centered over the entrance. Over/under on the fall date is mid-June (but windy weather is due in May). Bonus points if the victim is split in half by it.

At least they had the good sense to tie the sign to the heavy metal frame (so they both go at once)…Health and Safety means EVERYTHING to these people.

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So, four years now (or, rather, next week it will be…here’s the annual reports for years Three, Two, and One for historical perspective).

We just received our new visas valid until 2016 but plan to take the next step toward citizenship in a year, Indefinite Leave to Remain…sort of the British Green Card.  There is an exam, first, but in general it is all downhill from here.

The view from Western Street near the new house…also all downhill

Additionally, we are in the process of moving house (which is why I rushed the annual report a week forward) from just north of the Oasis over to Old Town to a house situated close walks to either the Beehive or the Castle or the Globe (recently reopened!)—three locals instead of one and all three of high quality—and dozens of others a short walk. The new house has three bedrooms each larger than its counterpart in the old house, the two receptions are larger and made into more of an open-plan configuration, the bath is larger and has a tub (not just a shower), and there is a finished basement; on the down side, the kitchen is a little narrower and more primitive as is the small garden but everything we do and everywhere we normally go in Swindon (save for the butcher) is so close.

The only races I did this past year were the London Marathon (5 pubs plus a can of Carling on the last mile) and the Beerathon (5 miles with a pint and a hefty food item between each) and the mileage run for the year suffered from this lack of focus—1950 give or take about 25 (most estimates pretty good using gmap-pedometer), while the last several years (except for the year of the wreck) were in the 2200-2500 range.

On the runs, I visited  255 new pubs with a stunning 67 new ones (steep part of the graph) in September when I took two weeks off work and ran at least 10 miles per day in new territory each day. The 1000th wasn’t as big a thrill as I thought it would be, but I saw some really nice places and met some really fine folk. The September holiday found me visiting Gloucester, South Wales, Slough (exotic, I know) and Exeter along with some nearer-to-Swindon trips. The 100 Yellow Beer Challenge was responsible for a lot of second visits to pubs I might not otherwise have gone to after an initial stop and many of these seemed better the second time around. Oh, and my Workingman’s Club appears to have failed or at least hasn’t been open the last several times I’ve popped by (I have a grand one scoped out for the new neighbourhood, though).

Best pubs in Year Four (reverse order by First Visit write-up):
The Southgate Inn, Devizes
Byron’s, Swindon
The Hop Inn, Swindon
Dicey Reilly’s, Teignmouth
The Brass Monkey, Teignmouth
One Eyed Jack’s, Gloucester
Ye Olde Red Lion, Tredegar
The Rose of Denmark, Woolwich
The Volunteer Rifleman’s Arms
The Green Dragon, Marlborough
The British Lion, Devizes
The Blue Boar, Alsbourne (for the Dr. Who connections)

Favourite write-ups:
Postboxes
British Citizenship Exam Prep
Risk Assessment-Bins
Oxford Tourists
Assize Court, Bristol

Cock Flavour
Paul Simon in Hyde Park
Edie’s Lawn
The hunt
The Bremen Musicians (German children’s story)
Sex Tourism in Wiltshire
Modern Algebra for Omid
Burns’ Day Lunch

There are others search for ‘made me laugh.’  The blog may or may not have made some of the over 100,000 visitors laugh, but the damn fools keep checking in (that’s you, that is).

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My initial work visa for the UK.

I just turned in my Visa application and documents for our last year before I become eligible for what is known as Permanent Residency in the States and Indefinite Leave to Remain here   This is my first big step toward citizenship, and involves a test of my knowledge of British Culture (some of which is reproduced here).

Note: I haven’t actually started revising for the test.

Also, answer “b” is always chosen by an American, or a foreigner more suited to America.  It’s “B” for Bugger Off.

Answer “a” is always correct but “c” or “d,” when they appear, are always acceptable.

VOCABULARY

1. Pint:

a) 20 Imperial ounces (18.2 US ounces)
b) 16 US ounces
c) not enough, matey, not enough

2. Glass:
a) verb, defend oneself OR to attack someone (generally at drinking up time)
b) noun, vitrified sand
c) smallest acceptable unit of whiskey for a man

3. Pants:
a) knickers
b) trousers
c) nonsense

4. Pissed
a) adjective, drunk…badly drunk, y’know, like every weekend
b) verb, past tense, urinated

5. Sorry
a) equivalent to shrieking, “YOU FUCKING PILE OF STEAMING SHITE HOW DARE YOU FORCE ME TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR EXISTENCE.” But quietly and reflexively and it really doesn’t mean ANYTHING most of the time.
b) a notification to the recipient that you are culpable and remorseful for an action you are responsible for

GENERAL QUESTIONS

6. Your town is ___________.
a) “a bit shit, really.”
b) “the best town in the WORLD!”
c) “Are you looking for a slap, mate?”
d) a & c

7. As someone approaches they say, “alright?” You respond:
a) “Alright?”
b) “Yes, I’m fine thanks, how are you?”

8. It’s bleak ________.
a) up North
b) down South
c) on Albert Square

[This one actually happened in front of me and, yes, the correct answers are a & c.]
9. An old man is knocked off his bike by a lorrie in Olney. You offer _______.
a) a cup of tea
b) assistance
c) a large brandy

[This one involves actual top two answers from a poll of Brits.]
10. Aliens land from outer space. You ________.
a) offer to put the kettle on
b) alert the authorities, or fight the things, or run for cover abandoning family, friends and colleagues
c) ask, “alright?”

11. Walking on the pavement [sidewalk], you find yourself on a trajectory that will crash into an oncoming pedestrian. He clocks this and moves to the other side of the pavement to avoid confrontation. You respond by _____________.
a) readjusting your trajectory to crash into this sad bastard…fuck ‘im. Nance.
b) smiling and acknowledging their courtesy
c) a AND only using peripheral vision to navigate, thus gaining plausible deniability that this was intentional (see VOCABULARY question on “Sorry”)

12. Do you know who Vicky Pollard is?
a) yeahr but no but, yeahr but no but, yeahr but no but, yeahr but no but….
b) who?

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Who knew Castro was an avid golfer? Of course Che was…he was a doctor.

A more salient question today is: Will it be champagne or whiskey in the early hours of the morning?  Here’s the last payout plot for four years:

They are taking bets until 10:00 pm GMT, if you have an itch.

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Betting the last pound? Last hundred quid? The big money is on Romney and the smart money is….

 

Paddy Power has already cashed out for Obama, but it was only £400K (and at their odds, the advertising revenue equivalent makes this a bargain…they are still taking bets, by the way).  I hope the gamblers’ optimism is right but, except for Clinton, Obama is the only other Republican I have ever voted for (don’t give me that Official Party Affiliation bullshit, you purists, they are both right of Nixon).

Anyway, now that this is all done and dusted, keep in mind you can still bet on other politics, the X-Factor, Rugby (Union or League), and Religion.  That’s right.  Religion.

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Update: Only a few hours after this post went up, Paddy Power called the race for Obama, paying out 2 days early.

The payout on a pound bet, above, has been a jagged ride at times.  The spreadsheet I have kept on this has ridiculous notes on it as you might expect.  Here were the dates I found significant:

Debates → October 3, 9, 16, and 22

Jon Stewart v. Bill O’Reilly → Oct. 6

Hurricane Sandy, Halloween, and Chris Christie → October 30-31

Socialism 2012 meeting in London → November 3 (I think I put that on as a reminder to attend)

The over/under looks good for Obama, right now, but the odds have an 8.3% house bias against random results which pushes the actual prediction down closer to 274 and 277 for Ladbrokes (top) and Paddy Power respectively.  William Hill has this interesting betting option for those of you in it for the long game:

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I’m taking Wednesday, the day after the election polls close up to 10 hours after the clock hits 7 pm here, off.  The first day at work here, I sat in the canteen at Cambridge and explained to one of my PIs that God Bless America and God Save the Queen were the same song while we watched Obama’s inauguration (and almost everyone EXCEPT us Americans) weeped in relief.  Now I have to explain really stupid shit like why Romney is still neck-and-neck (in the polls)…gamblers don’t fuck around, thus, which is why I trust the gambling odds more than opinion polls (when you are risking the rent and not something as trivial as the freedom of the world’s populace or–at a minum–the most powerful economy in the world during desperate times, you choose a real winner and not some fucking longshot with an enchanting name).

So, we see people who have nothing more or less than pounds Sterling riding on this election dropping quid for Obama.

Full disposition Sunday and Tuesday (then the voters decide who pays out).  If I buy one pound each today I lose 73 pence if Obama wins and win £3.07 if Romney wins.  I’m not a gambler, but I know a LOT of them….

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Payout on a £1 bet includes your stake (higher number means less confidence in the candidate from the gambling community)

With just under a month till the election, here are some of the recent odds:

When I started this last year, the primaries were still 10 months away.  In the last couple of months, Ladbrokes has been joined by Paddy Power and William Hill betting agents as odds makers.  Obama has been a little better than even money to win from the start, and it has been fun to watch the fortunes of, for instance, Rick Santorum rise and fall on the totes.  The most recent improvement in Romney’s situation has been the first, erm, we call it a “debate” (since that seems to be the term the Press has dubbed it) on 03 October.  Regular updates to appear from here on in to Election Day, I reckon.

Update: This is weekly through the Friday before Election Day then daily until the dust settles (remember 2000?).  Here’s the 12 October entry.

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It wasn’t the hottest or dumbest thing I’ve ever eaten, nor the first you might consider “for charity,” as the Venn diagram illustrates (and for that matter, it wasn’t the first I couldn’t ‘finish’); but in its class (food) this was one of the rare intersections of the three.  I described the warnings and published the disclaimer in an earlier post on the Gladstone Arms, here; I will just remind you that the chilli’s are Scotch Bonnets, they are supplemented with a tar-like capsaicin extract which I believe is still banned by the Geneva Conventions, and you do it without drink, in 30 minutes or less (followed by 10 minutes without any beverage).  One guy has done it in ten minutes, but I couldn’t handle the sheer volume of food (I am a wee lad).

It is only a half pound burger but there is another half pound of the chili sauced over the top of a large plate of chips.  I expected the fire, but not the immensity of the task ahead and did my best with it but there were still six or seven forks full at the one-minute remaining warning.  Shit, I thought, as I threw in the napkin and ordered a cider to kill some of the burn.

Now, before any of you big fellas rush down there to give this a go, let me say that I grew up on hot pepper sauce.  One of the crops grown on my uncle’s farm was hot chili peppers (various sorts, year-to-year, but tens of acres of them depending on likely demand).  Habañeros (what the New World calls your Scotch Bonnets), are laughable, a refreshing side treat to cleanse the palate.  Not this dish.

The first bite of the burger drizzled onto my fingers and I thought, dammit, now I gotta watch out and not stick those in my eye for a couple of days.  It was hot and I could see a bunch of Scotch Bonnet seeds and slices in it, but it didn’t really worry me.

The first bit of the chili fries was another thing altogether.  Already sweating from the burger bite, my nose and eyes began to flow freely and my ears began to ring (enough for me to notice over the constant tinnitus I live with).  These flows and noises increased for the next several minutes until they leveled out and the pain of the chemical attack became tolerable if not pleasant (there actually was a decent flavour under all this torture).

However, I knew it was doomed at the 10 minute mark when, a third of the way through my allotted time I was just over a third of the way through the trough of food in front of me.

I think it was worth the £10 (for a Cerebral Palsy charity) to give it a go, especially since I was shaking uncontrollably for the next twenty minutes and felt that I might have contracted the disease in an advanced form while sitting there.

If you have ever had an especially spicy meal, I won’t trouble you with the morning after details which were spectacular.  I will say that the effect was limited to the “aft flow” and that I have never had such an unpleasant wee before.  Plus, all night long bits of the burger that I swallowed half chewed would reveal their chilli payloads as my digestive system did its job and suddenly, several times in the night, I was gripped with abdominal cramps at points further and further down the digestive tract.

I hope this encourages someone else to try it.  The deal goes on until the end of September (at the Gladstone Arms, Chippenham).

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Forgot the photo, snagged this one off Google maps

After my successful shopping trip (I got a nice Quintera Habana that should last me the final couple miles of the Marathon plus the bag pick-up and finding Jackie afterward),  I caught up on my Carling’s and on leaving the Pig on the Hill was heading down to the betting parlor to put in my flutter on the Grand National (both our horses were out before the halfway mark).  They were showing the Aintree races in Long’s as I passed so I went in for #99 and saw some horses that screwed me at Cheltenham come in winners this time…bastards.

Long’s seems like a night club but a fairly civilised one but with the Victoria right across the alleyway and the Roaring Donkey directly behind I don’t really see this as a regular hangout.

watching the horses

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Santorum, answering the question, "As President, how would you deal with Christian extremists?"

A quick look at Ladbrokes Betting Odds today shows the effect of Santorum’s recent good showing since the last update (sorry Boog, no tna shots this time, just a bunch of boobs).  Hillary still has the best odds of the people not running at all for President.  Also interesting, Ron Paul has better odds of becoming the nominee AND of winning the Presidency than he does of becoming the Vice-Presidential nominee.  Steven Colbert and Glenn Beck still have a presence on the boards, as well:

Selection	Pres?	Nominee?	VP?
Barack Obama	4/7	xxx	xxx
Mitt Romney	7/4	1/6	25/1
Rick Santorum	16/1	6/1	7/1
Newt Gingrich	33/1	16/1	25/1
Ron Paul	40/1	25/1	50/1
Hillary Clinton	50/1	xxx	xxx
Donald Trump	100/1	xxx	100/1
Jeb Bush	200/1	100/1	xxx
Paul Ryan	200/1	100/1	12/1
Chris Christie	200/1	100/1	5/1
Mitch Daniels	200/1	100/1	25/1
Marco Rubio	xxx	xxx	5/2
Susana Martinez	xxx	xxx	10/1
Bob McDonnell	xxx	xxx	10/1
Jim DeMint	xxx	xxx	20/1
Tim Pawlenty	xxx	xxx	20/1
Nikki Haley	xxx	xxx	20/1
Kelly Ayote	xxx	xxx	20/1
Hayley Barbour	xxx	xxx	20/1
Jon Thune	xxx	xxx	20/1
Condoleeza Rice	xxx	xxx	25/1
Rob Portman	xxx	xxx	25/1
Brian Sandoval	xxx	xxx	25/1
Bobby Jindal	xxx	xxx	25/1
Jon Huntsman	xxx	xxx	25/1
Rick Snyder	xxx	xxx	33/1
Colin Powell	xxx	xxx	33/1
Meg Whitman	xxx	xxx	33/1
Lindsey Graham	xxx	xxx	33/1
Rick Perry	xxx	xxx	50/1
Sarah Palin	xxx	xxx	50/1
Michele Bachmann	xxx	xxx	50/1
Herman Cain	xxx	xxx	50/1
Mike Huckabee	xxx	xxx	50/1
Scott Walker	xxx	xxx	50/1
David Petraeus	xxx	xxx	50/1
Allen West	xxx	xxx	50/1
Scott Brown	xxx	xxx	50/1
Kay Bailey Hutchison	xxx	xxx	50/1
Rand Paul	xxx	xxx	50/1
John McCain	xxx	xxx	66/1
Steven Colbert	xxx	xxx	150/1
Glenn Beck	xxx	xxx	200/1

 

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Note: this seems to offend some.  Result!

• • 

    Paul WoodfordWondering why you posted that link. Was the fake photo the whole point?

    3 hours ago · Like

Updating the betting odds at the end of January 2012, we find a thinner pack at the top level but interesting things happening at the Republican Vice-Presidential table (although the fact that gamblers think Hilary Clinton, who isn’t even running, has a better shot than most Republicans is telling):

Election winner
Selection	Odds
Barack Obama	4:6
Mitt Romney	13:8
Newt Gingrich	14:1
Ron Paul	33:1
Hillary Clinton	50:1
Rick Santorum	66:1
Mitch Daniels	100:1
Donald Trump	100:1
Jeb Bush	200:1
Paul Ryan	200:1
Chris Christie	200:1
Republican Nominee
Selection	Odds
Mitt Romney	1:8
Newt Gingrich	6:1
Ron Paul	25:1
Rick Santorum	50:1
Mitch Daniels	66:1
Jeb Bush	100:1
Paul Ryan	100:1
Chris Christie	100:1
Winning Party
Selection	Odds
Democrats	13:20
Republicans	5:4
Independent	50:1
Republican Vice Presidential Nominee
Will be settled on nominee at 2012 Republican National Convention. Others on request.
Selection	Odds
Marco Rubio	5:2
Chris Christie	5:1
Susana Martinez	10:1
Paul Ryan	12:1
Bob McDonnell	14:1
Tim Pawlenty	16:1
Hayley Barbour	16:1
Newt Gingrich	16:1
Rick Santorum	16:1
Mitt Romney	20:1
Nikki Haley	20:1
Kelly Ayote	20:1
Jon Thune	20:1
Jim DeMint	20:1
Mitch Daniels	25:1
Rob Portman	25:1
Brian Sandoval	25:1
Bobby Jindal	25:1
Condoleeza Rice	25:1
Jon Huntsman	25:1
Rick Perry	33:1
Rick Snyder	33:1
Herman Cain	33:1
Colin Powell	33:1
Meg Whitman	33:1
Lindsey Graham	33:1
Ron Paul	40:1
Sarah Palin	50:1
Michele Bachmann	50:1
Mike Huckabee	50:1
David Petraeus	50:1
Allen West	50:1
Scott Brown	50:1
Kay Bailey Hutchison	50:1
Rand Paul	50:1
Scott Walker	50:1
John McCain	66:1
Donald Trump	100:1
Glenn Beck	200:1
Florida Republican Primary
Selection	Odds
Mitt Romney	1:25
Newt Gingrich	8:1
Rick Santorum	100:1
Ron Paul	100:1

odds from Ladbrokes.

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I don’t think it was the 26th Anniversary celebrations that knocked Jackie on her ass, but she was quite too sick to travel to the races the morning after…I felt fine, but, as it is, I didn’t sleep very long either.  So, with her bailing on the trip it was down to me to pour a scotch, study the Racing Form and go make us some money:

There are several bars erroneously called pubs in the enclosures, but essentially these are a line of poorly attended taps with two or three staff trying to make beverages appear for (no shit) tens of thousands of punters.  And everywhere, including these erstwhile pubs, there are betting facilities.  It seems that sometime soon after I arrived my photo was circulated so that the betting agents or the trackside bookies could alert the jockies so that my horse could finish each race, but always dead…fucking…last.

That's mine just after the finish line...the others are way out of frame to the right

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“I like my television loud, my beers cold, and my gays flaming!”–Homer Simpson

There was no tele and the pop music in the background was moderate, if not my cup of tea.  I had a cider, so I can’t speak for the beer.  And, except for the large-ish women necking on the back porch you might not even know you were in a gay bar…Homer would be so disappointed.

To be fair, England is not the best place to play Queer/Not-A-Queer, the game wherein each passerby or new face on the television is evaluated for their swish factor.  Growing up in Atlanta in the 70′s the queens were either screaming or draped in assless chaps; at our gym in Midtown in the 80′s, NAQ’s were almost nonexistent. But, in England there seems to be less reason to be so obvious; you’ve almost got to add a transitional category: Queer/Not-A-Queer/Just-English.

Even the Mailcoach remains more ambiguous than it should be.  It has a camp name but they left it spelled like the Post, not like it is sporting a post.  The house has a rainbow flag on it but that doesn’t register with a lot of brits; they had planned on using the Grade 2 listed barn adjacent to the garden for barbecues before it collapsed suddenly.  Except for the one-legged macho man doll hanging out (as though cottaging) on the public facilities down the alley, nothing is really stereotypical about the joint at all.

So, if it is a pleasant day pop in for a beer and grab a seat on the porch.  Watch as shoppers pass by: they all surreptitiously glance into the garden in slightly different ways.  Teenage girls giggle, obviously dominant males quickly glance while their submissive girlfriends look concerned about the competition (or longingly at the lady-love tongue wrestling going on at table #2), and it’s hard to put your finger on just WHAT the look large Asian families do as they pass by.  Have fun.

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You can still place bets on the overall winner of the 2012 US Presidential race, but Ladbrokes has finally broken the candidate categories into Party Nominations since the official candidacy announcements are starting to roll in.  I’ll follow these over the next few weeks, too, but for now the numbers are pretty similar to the ones posted in the overall race (see earlier post).

Compared to 3 weeks ago and before the announcements started, every pick has held the same odds with the following exceptions:

Momentum	2011-03-31	2011-04-20
Barack Obama	8/11	4/6
Donald Trump	50/1	25/1.
Michele Bachmann	100/1	50/1
Paul Ryan	66/1	50/1
Dragging ass	2011-03-31	2011-04-20
Sarah Palin	14/1.	16/1.
Mitch Daniels	16/1.	18/1.
Mike Huckabee	16/1.	20/1.
David Petraeus	33/1	40/1
Scott Brown	66/1	100/1
Joe Biden	66/1	100/1

I still haven’t spotted Dennis Kucinich on the lists.   My £5 bet awaits.

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I had planned to have a run at the track at the County Ground, but didn’t realise the hours were so limited.  At loose ends I opted to think about a proper route over a refreshing pint of 3B at the County Ground Hotel, the local that serves the Swindon Town football venue.  A large, blokey, 113-year-old place filled with drinkers that seemed to all know one another, I decided to sit aside and read a sport magazine and watch a bit of NBA basketball on the tele in the corner.

Someone started in on Americans and soccer and how there aren’t any great footballers out of America and I spoke up that there really isn’t a culture of it over there.  Of course, the Brits argued long enough to hear that my accent gave me some authority in the matter.  “Shit, when I was a teenager you only played if you were a woman, a foreigner, or a homosexual.”  Again, they argued a little then started denigrating Baseball in the most lame and typical way (they always say it’s just Rounders, but they’ve never stared down a Major League fastball, either).  Then it was on to my second pint and the topic turned to gambling, and the group I was chatting with dwindled to three as we talked craps (and talked crap), sport bets, and Two-Up (which sounds a hoot).

I really needed to get on my way, though, as the sun was setting and I still wanted to get a few miles worth of run in.  The run went past our place on Ferndale and zigzagged through the neighbourhood and I found another WMC and another pub to try soon.  Likewise, there are some really pretty east-to-west strips of park with a bike path running through that skirt the newer northern parts of town where I spotted a neat RC church that looks a lot older than its 58 years and some wildlife:

If I were keeping up with a running streak of at least 3 miles per day, this would have been Day 1.

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{I thought I should post this today rather than on April Fools Day, lest someone think the entire post–and not JUST the links–are some kind of joke.}

I love the way you can gamble on ANYTHING here.  More than 20 months off there are already odds on the American Presidential Election.  These are worth watching and I’ll update it over the course of time…place your bets at Ladbrokes (okay, this link is for real, as well).
Politics / US Presidential Election
Election winner
Time : Nov’12
Event : 2012 US Presidential Race

Selection                     Odds

Barack Obama     8/11

Mitt Romney     7/1

Sarah Palin 14/1

Mike Huckabee, Tim Pawlenty, Mitch Daniels, Chris Christie     16/1

Jon Huntsman     20/1

Hillary Clinton     25/1

David Petraeus, Newt Gingrich, Haley Barbour     33/1

Jeb Bush, Marco Rubio     40/1

Michael Bloomberg, Rick Santorum, Donald Trump     50/1

Joe Biden, Ron Paul, Bobby Jindal, Rudy Giuliani, Eric Cantor, Jon Thune, Rick Perry, Paul Ryan, Scott Brown, Rand Paul     66/1

Mark Warner, John McCain, Rob Portman, Tom Ridge, Kay Bailey Hutchison, Sam Brownback, Mike Pence, Gary Johnson, Michele Bachmann, Stanley McChrystal, Tom Coburn, Michael Steele, George Pataki, John Bolton, Herman Cain, Jim DeMint, John Cornyn, Bob McDonnell     100/1

Fred Thompson, Dirk Kempthorne     125/1

Brian Schweitzer, Al Gore, Charlie Crist, Russ Feingold, Charles Roemer     150/1

Mark Sanford, Lou Dobbs, Dick Cheney, Carly Fiorina, Howard Dean, Bob Riley, Roy Moore     200/1

Sharron Angle     250/1